Exploring Dual Identities
By Zack Rosen
Judy Gold’s new book “25 Questions For A Jewish Mother,” adapted from her one-woman show of the same name, attempts to shed some light on one of the most storied and misunderstood social archetypes: the Jewish mother. A lesbian with two children, Gold’s struggle for acceptance from her own mother led her on a quest to understand Jewish matriarchs.
Gold spent five years with lesbian playwright Kate Moira Ryan interviewing Jewish moms of all ages and levels of religious observance on questions like “How many times a day do you call your children?,” “Are you kosher?” and “Have you ever experienced anti-Semitism?” Weaving together these women’s experiences with quotes from Gold’s mother and the narrative arc of Gold’s own life, “25 Questions” becomes a story, not just a collection of anecdotes.
“I watch these one-person shows and a lot of them are so self-indulgent, like therapy on stage,” says Gold in an interview with the Blade. “This was a journey that I took. The play was really a play; it had a beginning, a middle and an end. I wanted that to stay in the book.”
“25 Questions’” real story begins when Gold meets Wendy, a co-worker that would eventually become her partner for more than 20 years. Wendy stays with Gold through two biological children — each woman carried one — and through the rise of the comedian’s career.
Gold found increasing success on the standup circuit, which led to a sitcom role, an HBO special and eventually a writing and producing gig with “The Rosie O’Donnell Show.” Though Gold’s mother was less than unconditionally supportive throughout this time, the writer finally realized just how much her mother had been there for her when her relationship with Wendy began to fall apart.
“25 QUESTIONS” RAISES a number of issues that aren’t normally addressed in the mainstream media — or in comedy. A frequent contemporary debate is whether Judaism should be considered a religion or a culture, and Gold believes it’s a little bit of both.
“The people who are the least religious still have a Jewish identity, and a strong one,” she says. “I really think it depends on the person. It depends on how much structure and guidance one wants in their life … I say being Jewish is all of who I am. It’s how I look, how I think, it’s how I talk. I think you can’t escape the cultural thing.”
The book addresses both sides of the debate, devoting chapters to bar mitzvahs and rabbis and to child-raising and Jewish jokes. “25 Questions” also explores the experiences of gay Jews, a collision of religion and sexuality that’s generally overshadowed by the more controversial gay Christian experience.
“I get letters from Orthodox gay children who have been disowned, saying ‘I don’t wanna lose my Jewish identity and yet I feel shunned.’ I think that’s the whole lesson of the book — you can’t judge people because who knows what will happen in your life? You can find something to agree with you in any [religious] book, so live your life and I’ll live mine.”
The book’s end finds Gold doing just that, having learned to understand and live with her mother just a little bit more. For those wanting to see Gold explore all these questions live, the comedian is bringing her performance to Washington in January of 2008.
WashingtonBlade.com