Gay Jewish Cincy: 3 Perspectives
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Keshet at Gay Pride Parade: Including Miritt Comforti (middle) and Michael Teggart (blue shirt) |
By Amanda Septimus
After several years of marriage Miritt Comforti realized that she was a lesbian. She chose to openly discuss the situation with her husband and family. Her parents were accepting. Her husband was devastated, but agreed to participate in therapy. They remained married for three years at which time Comforti was compelled to end the marriage. Miritt was fortunate to have received support from her parents and family. She explains that none of her gay friends have had as positive experiences in coming out to their family.
After splitting from her husband, Comforti moved back to the Cincinnati area and prepared to test the waters of what was rumored to be an anti-gay community. Cincinnati even had Article 12, which allowed discrimination against homosexuals, still on the books.
“If Cincinnati is supposed to be the most conservative city on this side of the Mason-Dixon line, then I want to know,” explained Comforti. Comforti tells everyone she meets that she is gay and has not received any negative feedback.
Comforti is especially impressed with the Cincinnati Jewish community’s support of gay individuals. She described the community as surprisingly open, responsive, and welcoming. Comforti added that this attitude is not specific of Reform, or Conservative Judaism, but includes representatives from all movements that she has encountered in the community.
Comforti worries about many of her gay Jewish friends who are afraid to “come out” within the Jewish community. Comforti believes that her Jewish friends who remain “in the closet” believe that it is easier for her to be openly gay because she did not grow up in Cincinnati’s Jewish community.
“My challenges are within the gay community - to make the gay community understand there is nothing to be afraid of,” explained Comforti. She hopes others can become confident about their sexuality within the Jewish community.
Last year, under the auspice of Temple Sholom, Comforti and temple staff started Keshet (rainbow), which is a LGBTA (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Allies) Jewish group. Keshet’s success brought together many in the gay Jewish community, but Comforti adds there are many more gay Jews who are not affiliated with the Jewish community. Keshet set up a booth at Cincinnati’s Gay Pride Parade last year and many individuals who had never connected to the organized Jewish community took note.
“The Jewish gay community here is not where it needs to be. Nobody knows how welcoming the Jewish community is. It bothers me that people are afraid (to be openly gay),” Comforti explained. She feels that although steps are being taken to improve the status of the gay Jewish community, more needs to be done to make this unique population comfortable and welcomed.
Anonymous: “Closeted” Gay Jewish Cincinnatian
Let’s call her Darah because she is not comfortable disclosing her identity. Darah is one of those individuals Comforti mentions who do not feel free to be “out” in Cincinnati’s Jewish community.
“I now am comfortable being a gay Jewish woman, yet I feel a challenge in actually ‘coming out’ because I feel the Cincinnati Jewish and non-Jewish community is not as open to diversity as other communities,” explained Darah.
Darah grew up in Cincinnati and therefore feels people have preconceived notions of who she is.
“My outward image to others is positive, polished, attractive and feminine, almost to an extent, ‘perfect.’ They wonder, why I can’t find a nice Jewish man,” explained Darah. “I am scared to come out in Cincinnati - to a community that expects me to be a certain way and conform to the norm.” Darah explains that she often feels as thought she is acting in a movie to fill a certain role.
Because Darah is not public about her sexuality, she hears what people say about people who are homosexual.
“I am shocked by the whispers beneath one’s breath when speaking of someone who is gay. We have been persecuted throughout history because we are a minority. How dare we continue to point our fingers at others?”
Coming out to her family was an extremely uncomfortable experience. Her sexuality is a taboo topic in their home and her family openly hopes that she will find a man who will “bring her back.” Darah feels that often people are accepting of other people’s children being gay—as long as it is not their own. Explaining her sexuality to friends in Cincinnati makes Darah sick to her stomach.
Darah is not very connected to the secular gay community, but she does feel more comfortable being openly gay in that context because no one in that realm has opinions about who or what she is supposed to be.
Darah hopes that in the future, the gay Jewish community will grow. With a stronger contingency, Darah believes that those who are gay and Jewish will no longer be inclined to move to larger, more gay-friendly cities, such as San Francisco or New York. If the gay Jewish community grew, and if Darah found the Jewish community more accepting, she would not longer feel the need to hide her sexuality.
“I am not able to provide myself, my future partner, and my future children with true community acceptance (without the whispers behind our backs). Unfortunately, I may need to move to a larger, more accepting city,” explains Darah.
Michael Teggart: Not Extremely Connected to Cincinnati’s Jewish Community
Michael Teggart grew up in North Avondale and described his experience as a Jewish gay man in Cincinnati as “great.” He feels acceptance in Cincinnati’s professional community and social circles.
Teggart explained that the gay general community in Cincinnati is professional, educated, intellectual and mature. Teggart is concerned though, that many in Cincinnati’s gay community are inclined toward alcohol and drug abuse. He goes on to explain that his perception is that the problem is less serious than in larger cities.
Unlike Darah, Teggart finds Cincinnati as a liberal city in a conservative county. Teggart admits that many gay Jews move to larger cities to meet other gay Jewish men and women.
Although Teggart is not very connected to Cincinnati’s Jewish community, he still feels that this community is very accepting of homosexuality. Teggart has attended services at Temple Sholom since 1987 and mentions that they have done a great deal of outreach to gay Jews.
“Even my frum (observant) Orthodox parents accept me,” Teggart added.
Teggart hopes that Cincinnati’s Jewish community and gay Jewish community can come together to promote openness and support.
“(This is) desperately needed for young gay Jews who struggle with who they are, discovering who they are, and how it relates to the Jewish community,” explained Teggart.
Teggart has been with his Jewish partner for 7 years and has encountered no challenges as a gay Jewish man in Cincinnati.
There is no consensus on what it means to be gay and Jewish in Cincinnati. Clearly, three perspectives is just a small sampling. From fear, to pride, to feeling like it is not particularly relevant, there are varying experiences for homosexual individuals within Cincinnati’s Jewish community.
Davidsvoice.org