Breaking OUT - San Diego’s Gay Jews
by Judd Handler
“If a man also shall lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination, they shall surely be put to death; their blood [shall be] upon them.” -- Leviticus 20:13
“My house shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples.” -- Isaiah 56:7
They’re rabbis, students, and synagogue leaders. They’re playwrights, politicians, and entrepreneurs. They come from all corners of San Diego and all varieties of religious observance. But they share two very important characteristics: they’re Jewish, and they’re gay.
The LGBT community at large has advanced their cause for civil rights exponentially since Harvey Milk of San Francisco became the first openly gay (and Jewish) elected official of a major city back in 1977.
When Milk was assassinated just a year after his election, the LGBT community had a martyr of their own, just like Martin Luther King, Jr. was for African-American’s struggle for Civil Rights.
Twenty-five years later, California’s state government has three openly gay and Jewish members: state Senator Carol Migden, and assembly members Jackie Goldberg and Mark Leno.
In San Diego, openly gay Jewish movers and shakers include both the District and Deputy District Attorneys of the city of San Diego, Bonnie Dumanis and David Rubin, respectively, the latter of whom won a judgeship on the Superior Court, last month.
Other “open” Jews include City Commissioner Bruce Abrams and Alex Sachs, deputy city attorney. It would seem then, that San Diego is a progressive city at least when it comes to hiring openly gay people to positions of power and influence, not to mention, Jewish ones.
But with President George W. Bush ardently pushing a Constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, the LGBT community has lots more to overcome. And it’s not just born-again, Apocalypse-welcoming Christians that LGBTs have to contend with.
Strong opposition comes from within the Jewish community.
“The Torah tells us ‘Thou shall not lie with a man as one would with a woman.’ So, it’s clear that according to Jewish laws homosexuality is not allowed,” says Rabbi Chalom Boudjnah of Chabad of College Area.
Boudjnah says that the real debate shouldn’t be about whether according to Jewish law, same-sex relations are permissible or not; “We should be asking why God has given us this particular commandment and why has God put so many restrictions on us.”
His answer: “Somehow, by doing all of these commandments, the Torah tells us that we are able to change the world into a more spiritual place. God gave us all of these commandments to keep us spiritually and physically balanced.”
Is that to say LGBT Jews can’t be spiritual? And if God created mankind in his own image, why would he impose the death penalty on a certain segment of the population “he” created?
“God creates nobody by mistake,” says Boudjnah. “Homosexuals, according to Jewish law, are an integral part of Hashem’s world. They have a role to play in this world as much as everyone else. They are welcome into our community, into our homes and nobody has the right judge someone based on their sexuality or behavior. Hashem doesn’t discriminate against gays in terms of receiving an aliyah at the Torah or having a bar mitzvah.”
Rabbi Yeruchem Eilfort of Chabad at La Costa, along with his wife Nechama, is one of the scholars on AskMoses.com, a website with a large roster of rabbis that provides 24-hour rabbinical advice and knowledge (Shabbat excluded, of course.) To Eilfort, sexuality becomes moot once one enters a synagogue.
“I do not believe a synagogue is an appropriate venue for overt expressions of sexuality of any sort. I would not feel comfortable having anyone serve in any official capacity in my synagogue if they felt it was important to make public statements about their sexuality,” says Eilfort.
Eilfort claims that there are currently no openly gay members of Chabad at La Costa. He adds, however, a footnote: “I believe that members of the homosexual community who attend synagogue do so for the same reasons heterosexuals do and that is to communicate with God, experience spirituality and socialize with their fellow Jews.”
Eilfort doesn’t see how one could even consider same-sex marriages as properly sanctioned.
“I do not believe that marriage is a manmade institution but rather one defined by G-d as expressed through the Torah. According to Judaism there are three partners in a marriage, G-d, the husband and the wife. This definition is not my own; but the Torah’s. Therefore any relationship that does not fall under the specific parameters set by the Torah is not defined as marriage,” Eilfort says.
The inclusion of the LGBT community into the Jewish mainstream also created debate recently at the San Diego Jewish Academy when two sets of parents of children who attended the high school in Carmel Valley pulled their kids out of the school when the administration allowed students to form a Gay-Straight Alliance.
Despite a smattering of opposition, openly gay Jews are not only joining mainstream congregations, some of them are employed by synagogues. One gay Jew is even the head of a shul.
The holiday of Shavuot last month coincided with the official swearing in of San Diego’s first openly gay president of a major synagogue, Aaron Borovoy of Temple Emanu-El, a reform congregation in Del Cerro.
Is this significant? Should Borovoy’s sexual orientation be a matter of discussion? Borovoy certainly doesn’t think so. He hasn’t heard any congregants complain, at least not yet.
“The only way it’s a big deal is that, to my knowledge, a gay man has never been elected president in San Diego County,” says Borovoy. “But I guess the real ‘big deal’ is that it isn’t a ‘big deal’ at least as far as our congregation is concerned.
“I believe our particular congregation is a little ahead of the curve in this issue, but from what I’ve seen, it’s really clear that LGBT acceptance into the mainstream of the Jewish community, particularly in Reform Judaism, has arrived,” he says.
Prior to his joining Emanu-El, Borovoy claims he wasn’t involved in Jewish organizations. He had a concern-shared by many other LGBT Jews-that he wouldn’t be accepted because of his sexuality.
“I really found my own sense of Jewish identity once I found my spiritual home at Emanu-El, and that gave me the incentive to get more involved,” says Borovoy.
At the swearing-in ceremony, Borovoy named his long-term partner, John Laird as being a major influence in his life. Laird joined Borovoy on the bimah and the two shared a sentimental embrace.
Not all Jews, of course, would be comfortable seeing their newly elected temple president kissing a same-sex partner.
But there’s no denying that there are several openly lesbian and gay rabbis serving in mainstream congregations nationwide, and openly LGBT people serving those congregations as staff.
At Temple Emanu-El, it was Rabbi Martin Lawson who served as the catalyst for Borovoy’s arrival as President.
“When it comes to all social justice issues, whether it be LGBT acceptance, women’s reproductive choice, support of Ethiopian Jewry, and most recently, education and support to end the genocide in Darfur, [Lawson] always leads the way,” says Borovoy. “He’s an energetic and passionate spiritual leader. I would never have walked in the door unless it was opened by someone, and I believe that Martin Lawson opened that door.”
Thus far, Borovoy has said he has received a great deal of love and support, as well as the standard joking condolences offered to just about anyone who becomes president of any congregation.
“For me personally,” says Lawson, “I felt this was the morally correct path to follow. For too long people in the LGBT community have believed that all forms of Judaism reject them, making them outcasts. I am proud that we were able to be the first synagogue in San Diego County to send out a different, positive message.”
Lawson says he will never forget the first year Emanu-El participated in the Pride Parade.
“We had gay and lesbian Jews running up to us from the crowd in tears, members of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) as well, telling us how much this meant to them to see us marching on their behalf. I knew at that moment that we were on the long road of social justice here is San Diego and in our nation,” says Lawson.
Rabbi Deborah Prinz has been with Temple Adat Shalom for 18 years. Adat Shalom’s Associate Rabbi Tamar Malino is an open lesbian. She and her partner Rabbi Elizabeth Goldstein (who is currently working towards a PhD at UCSD) are the parents of twin babies.
Prinz admits there were some reservations about her bringing on an open rabbi.
“At least one family resigned,” says Prinz. “Several families expressed great concern about the decision...on the other hand, there were also several people who thought it was absolutely the right thing to do.”
As a liberal Jew, Prinz does not read the Bible from a fundamentalist, literal perspective. “When Genesis speaks of the creation of humanity in God’s image, I can’t imagine that gays and lesbians are excluded. On the contrary, they must be included in that idea of tzelem,” says Prinz, referring to Jewish civic involvement in public issues that have a scope beyond the borders of the Jewish community.
Furthermore, Prinz believes that the punishment for homosexuality in the Bible-stoning-is the same punishment to be exacted against those who desecrate Shabbat.
“Many, if not most Conservative, Reform and Reconstructionist Jews drive on Shabbat, or turn on their lights or cook on Shabbat. In this close reading of the Torah, each of them should also be stoned. “Also, why would we, a minority that has suffered at the hands of others, exclude and isolate a segment of our community? After all, our tradition teaches much about compassion and kindness.”
In all branches of Judaism, the principle of tzedekah is heavily emphasized in order to make the world a better place.
Barbara Herrera believes that for LGBT Jews, tzedekah is especially important. Herrera, a midwife, co-owns Ama Mama Holistic Healthcare in Encinitas with her partner Sarah Hubbard.
“Tzedekah for us is as natural as the drive to live comfortably,” says Herrera. “Giving is in the normal course of our day,” says the bright, energetic woman.
Both Herrera and Hubbard were raised Christian but have recently converted to Judaism. The two were legally married during the brief window that San Francisco sanctioned gay marriages in February 2004.
Robert Dekoven has been a professor at the California Western School of Law for 13 years and is one of four openly gay or lesbian CWSL professors. He specializes in education law and monitors cases involving Jewish students who are harassed at schools. For him, it seems natural that Jews be at the forefront of the Gay Civil Rights movement.
“Jews know all too well the horrors of discrimination. That’s why we were at the forefront of the black civil rights struggle. That’s why Jews were also leaders in the women’s rights movement,” says Dekoven. Dekoven notes that the state of California’s legislature is also comprised of influential openly gay Jews, including State Senator Carol Migden and Assembly members Marc Leno and Jackie Goldberg.
The Federal Constitution, according to Dekoven, prevents states from treating people differently because of sexual orientation, unless there is some rational argument for the discrimination. And simply saying it’s a Biblical prohibition won’t fly.
“I don’t think it should be left up to the states. If we left slavery and segregation up to the states, we might still have both in some states in the south,” he says.
Toby Dorfman may very well be the first open lesbian of the pulpit. She is the first Humanistic madrikha in San Diego, having been ordained in 1992. She retired from the pulpit this past May but still lectures throughout the county on Jewish history and Biblical studies. Dorfman, who has children from a previous heterosexual marriage, shares a theory with her partner of 34 years on why the prohibition against same-sex relations is so severe: “Picture the times: an agrarian people, in the Middle East, millennia ago, whose most important function was to maintain the Hebrew tribe. To do that, one must have as many children as possible.”
Along with the support and acceptance LGBT Jews are now enjoying from the more liberal branches of Judaism, there are organizations like JYPride which work to further thrust the LGBT Jewish community into the mainstream. JYPride, which will take part in the San Diego Pride Festival on July 29th, has 400 members and is housed by the popular Lawrence Family JCC.
Seth Krosner, the incoming president of JYPride says that the time has come for LGBT Jews to make a place for themselves in mainstream congregations.
“This is no time for organized Judaism to miss an opportunity to encourage any Jew to become more engaged,” says Krosner, a UJF Board member and the past president of AJE.
“Considering that the UJF, AJE, San Diego Jewish Academy and San Diego Jewish Film and Book Festivals have welcomed us with open arms has made my life a lot easier,” says Brian Schaefer, a recent graduate of the University of California, San Diego who serves as coordinator of JYPride.
“Overall, we have been welcomed by the Jewish community, but we still have a lot more work to do.”
http://www.sdjewishjournal.com/ For feedback, contact [email protected]