Humous, Chips, Salat: Lesbian Culture Shock
Humous, Chips, Salat: Lesbian Culture Shock
So here is some culture shock for you. As a lesbian Jew who is trying to somehow balance my Judaism and traditional background with "lesbianut" I’m a bit annoyed with some parts of the lesbian culture and here is why.
For some reason lesbian women tend to:
keep in touch with exes
create drama and
continue to find drama-filled relationships. Now granted all of this "stuff" happens in many different cultures and groups, but frankly it just seems messed up that it’s still ok to hang out with your numerous exes who are your friends.
In the Orthodox world of Judaism (and I’m sure many other cultures and flavors of Judaism) there is this sacredness that surrounds the connection between two people. Perhaps that sacredness is not always honored, but it’s supposed to be there, and if it’s not well you have to at least fake it.
The funny thing is that in a lot of lesbian circles that I have exposed myself to it seems that drama is always good, and because marriage is never an option, or because people are messed and have an excuse for never getting their life back in order, there is always chaos.
It seems that lesbians are constantly treading on that line where its ok to have drinks with your ex or get together for a meal or a party. I mean its one thing to be civil in one’s ex’s presence and it should be. But to not treat one’s own relationship as being holy and as being perhaps "the one" is simply disaster, not only for that relationship, but for that whole society.
Now I know I’m coming down hard on some groups of lesbians, especially since there are other lesbians who have been together forever and who have amazing and beautiful relationships, but it simply disgusts me to no end that the status quo in most lesbian communities is for there to be chaos, for women to be constantly not fixing their issues, not committing to one person, not being honest with themselves and their partners and allowing all of this to happen because "this is what lesbians do".
You may ask why I am going off on lesbians especially since I am a lesbian, but I recently spent a weekend with my girlfriend as well as a few other lesbian couples and after this experience I promise to never ever do that again. For starters, there was one woman who was upset that her ex-husband - yes ex-husband - had told her that he can no longer talk to her because it upsets his wife. Now if his wife has issues and feels threatened by lesbian women talking to her husband - especially lesbians who used to be married to her husband - well then let this poor wife be. On top of that this woman, the lesbian that is, had dated another woman in the house and was certain that this ex of hers’ current girlfriend, who was also sleeping over, hated her due to the fact that the new girlfriend didn’t want to play miniature golf.
Personally, I also hate miniature golf and anyone who plays miniature golf deserves to spend a minimum of three months at a minimum security prison, so for the new girlfriend to have issues with this woman who used to be married to a man, seems fine to me.
To make matters worse, there was another couple at the house for the weekend. One of the members of this couple had plans to break up with her girlfriend, but was intending on doing so after the weekend, although she had the audacity to announce to her other friends at the house that she was breaking up with her poor girlfriend (who in my mind was more sane and nice than anyone else in the house).
As a result, I have therefore decided that I will never go on a lesbian cruise, lesbian movie night or lesbian bar-b-que and certainly never attend one of those "Lesbians Who Work on Wall Street" luncheons.
This article appeared on August 1, 2005 in www.jpost.com.