How I got over being gay
Yochai 06.25.09, 09:00 / Israel Jewish Scene
The sexual attraction to men was in me from a young age, but I managed to suppress it during my first years. I explained to myself it was okay. Even the fact that I wasn’t attracted to women at all didn’t make me acknowledge the bitter truth. When I was 18 I finally realized that if those are my feelings, and those are my acts, it only means one thing - that I’m sexually attracted to men.
At first I was in shock. I didn’t know what to do. I felt I was alone in the world with this problem, and that I can’t tell anyone about it.
I didn’t want to be attracted to men. I wanted to be like everybody else. I wanted to lead a normal life. Get married, raise a family and continue observing Torah and mitzvot, which I loved so much. On the other hand, the attraction to men seemed to me so natural and real. A romantic relationship with a guy was so appealing to me - it seemed like the most joyful experience. But in reality, this attraction only hurt me. The more I pursued it and the more I tried to be sexually satisfied, the more this inclination strengthened.